My Surrogate Journey

Each year I think of 3 things I want to accomplish. Sometimes those 3 things are simple, like organizing my closets, sometimes they are much more complicated, like becoming a surrogate. In 2017 becoming a surrogate was top priority on my list. My husband and I did our research and landed on an agency. We thought we were prepared for anything. You hear the good, the bad, the ugly and you think... I can handle that. My story does come with a trigger warning, so please proceed with caution...

I, with the support of my awesome husband, sought out to be a gestational surrogate (meaning I would carry a baby for another family, but the sperm and egg would belong to the dad and mom, and my womb would grow the baby). I met an amazing couple through an agency and we became good friends. This couple struggled for years to have a baby. We had a failed transfer in August 2018 and then a successful transfer the next month in September. We knew she was a girl due to embryo testing and the results also showed she was "normal". Her due date was May 24th 2019! I nicknamed our little girl Elsa, since she had been a "frozen" embryo (even the parents thought it was funny and fitting).

We were all happy and excited as the pregnancy progressed. Her parents were planning out the dates of when they would announce, what daycare she would attend, discussing stroller options, and so many things. They even started talking about names! However, at our 16 week checkup we learned little Elsa was not going to join us. It was the most heartbreaking words I have ever heard in my life: "her heart is not beating". No rhyme or reason, she just stopped growing. This was the couple's first pregnancy to make it to the second trimester. A life ended before it even began.

As a surrogate you expect to have a little connection to the baby. You expect to be excited about the life they will lead and the changes they will make in the world. You do not expect to be the only person to have ever held them, to have ever felt them... Elsa may not have physically touched anyone else, but she did have a big impact on so many.

1 in 8 women suffer with infertility. 1 in 4 women will experience pregnancy or infant loss. Elsa is in the less than 2% of pregnancy loss (a second trimester loss).

If you are 1 in 8 or 1 in 4 and you ever need someone to talk to, I am here. Please know, you are not alone.